so, i had to throw someone off my bus for the first time ever. after months of speculation and curiosity and dark thoughts in the back of my head, i had the opportunity to. it was as easy and harder at the same time as i thought that it would be. i was getting ready to drive a doubled bus to new york city. the bus that doubled came from albany and there were problems right from the start. the albany bus had mechanical problems which forced a bus change, forcing people to stand outside in the cold for two and one half minutes which stirred some tempers. plus, it made both of us late, there was baggage to be transferred, the albany driver had to take my bus and i had to wait for the garage to bring over another bus for myself. in the ensuing chaos, i missed the drama transpiring on the original albany bus. a man sat and angrily refused to get off. the albany driver, gerry, told him, fine, this bus isn't going anywhere. the man then recognised the folly of his prior logic and got off the bus and on the new one and began to stew again apparently and how his original suspicions about how unjust this was to him and how, we were obviously racist and that all of the other passengers hated him and that we were out to get him. but unfortunately for him, what caused gerry to call the local cops was the fact that he didn't have a valid ticket and gerry didn't cotton to this guy threatening him on the way from albany. strike one, the cops show up and escort him from the bus. fine, if he had been in his right mind, this would have calmed him down. usually the mere threat of a driver telling someone that they aren't riding their bus is enough to chill people out and quiet even the most disgruntled passenger. bus drivers are supposed to be salty types, who pick people up by the pants and throw them physically out of the bus and i think that most people sense this with our quick eyes and navy blue caps thrown on at a jaunty angle inhaling diesel fumes for fun. but not this one. he sweet talked the cops and got put back on my bus. i asked my dispatcher, this guy's going with me? he got a second chance and unlike baseball, didn't get three strikes to strike out.
all was fine, cheery, even sorta quiet for the ride to new paltz. leaving and getting on the thruway was when it began. i made my usual announcements as i always do, no cell phones, no radios, no smoking, no drinking, no jumping around. i should have included no cursing and no threats and no psychopathic babble too because this guy starts shushing me as i'm on the loudspeaker. what? was i imagining this? did i just hear someone shush me while i'm making my announcements in the voice of god microphone? shhhh..... i went on, claim baggage on the right hand side, blah, blah, blah, shhhhhh.... there it was again. i thought that even it was the wind. no one should shush me while i'm making my announcement. but then it stops. and we have five minutes driving of peace. then it begins again. he's talking loudly on his phone. i let it go, thinking like most people, they will stop soon, just have to let someone know when they are getting into town, etc... and he was having a rough day, maybe it was a big misunderstanding after all... but he's still talking and i'm getting annoyed and about to say something when an older 50 something woman sitting in the front, two or three aisles in front of him asks me to ask him to quiet down. gladly, i'm thinking, when he suddenly screams at her, "fuckin' four eyed bitch, shut the fuck up and leave me alone!" i yell back, "hey none of that sort of behavior! be nice, i won't have any of that!" it's all that i can think of and i sound like some crazed school marm warning her third grade class. "i wasn't talkin' on the phone! that bitch started it!" I don't care, (maybe he was just having a loud conversation with himself about when he was getting into new york and what happened on the albany bus...) i tell him. i won't have that sort of behavior, now sit down and sit back and relax and lower your voice. "now," i add. "i don't care if you call me names (a convenient lie...), but i won't have you calling anyone else names." I didn't call you any names! he screams, just shut the fuck up, white trash and all of you leave me alone! what the fuck are you looking at?!? he adds to someone in back. while amusing, i realise that i can call him any name in the book and it wouldn't matter, its getting scarier. he's obviously out of control, he just howled at the top of his lungs and i didn't see the police pat him down earlier. i've decided that i've had enough. he's outta here.
i call dispatch and they arrange to have the state police meet me at the harriman toll plaza. i pull over and wait. "what are we doing here?" he asks "waiting, " i say, wanting to play my cards a little more carefully. i feel like there's a puma waiting to pounce behind my head. "for what!?" the state police, i tell him. and he starts in on his persecution compex again. " you're going to hold us up just because of this one bitch? we all want to get home and you're going to make us wait?" i tell him that he has no one to blame but himself but he doesn't get it. probably won't. the long and short of it was that even though the trooper didn't want to take him off the bus or deal with him (his basic attitude was, what do you want me to do about it?), i don't know where they were taking him, but i knew that i wasn't. people thanked me afterward despite being an hour late in new york and gerry and i traded notes during which he gave me, the junior guy, the best advice that i've heard previously, you're the captain of your ship and that's why i threw him off the bus in the first place. i had heard stories about throwing people off your bus for being your basic borish creep, but never thought that i'd have to myself. the stories gave me a sort of vicarious thrill and secretly i wished that i would have the opportunity and sure enough it presented itself, there are just too many unstable people in the world willing to see how far they can push your limits to have the law of averages not assign one to you for a minute or hour or day.
