pet peeves

so someone locked me out of the bus this afternoon at the station. i had stopped long enough, running a bit late for new york and two people needed to get off and buy tickets as the agent at the previous stop had already closed. when this happens and it has frequently because people procrastinate and fiigure that they can hand you a twenty or two and say i don't have a ticket, can i just give you this? first off, twenty bucks isn't enough for the trip to new york and second with cash fares, it becomes my responsibility to buy their tickets later on my time, so no dice. money doesn't fly with me. tickets please. but back to the moment. coming in, i reminded the two that they needed to buy tickets, everyone else be patient, we're leaving asap and the ONLY two people who needed to get off the bus here were the two who hadn't tickets. EVERYONE ELSE STAY ON THE BUS! normally there is an exodus anyways, do i have time to use the ladies room? no, there's one on the bus, can i just get a soda? shoulda thought of it earlier. i'm hungry, about to pass out, can i just go across the road to the friendly's? nope. but only two got off and i was lucky. two got back on and handed me tickets and i closed the door again and walked away to ask the dispatcher a question... one minute later, i'm back and i'll be damned if the door doesn't open. the air goes whoosh and the door stops as though its locked, but i knew that i didn't lock it, couldn't have with the one faultily cut key for this bus that i have. try again. whoosh and click, whoosh and click. ok, so i'm feeling like a captain just thrown off in a mutiny and i'm wondering how to get back on, i even try my key and it fits, but doesn't turn. an old lady sitting up front notices me (and probably everyone else too...) and gets up and i motion for her to try the door button inside, she studies the panel carefully, the glass is soundproof and i try to motion a circle with my finger as its round (and i am giving no further hints as to how to open the door from inside as its hard enough to keep people on board...) and i'm hoping that she doesn't release the parking brake when another man gets up and unlocks the door from inside and explains that someone had gotten up and was fiddling with the door trying to get off while i was gone and must have locked it from inside. i got back on and gave everyone my best captain bly scowl to quell any further mutinous thoughts.
and then as i drove to new york, i thought that this was the perfect time to begin a pet peeve list.
number one... please stop asking every bus driver, especially if we enter the bus terminal from the south if we are heading to new york. as i've said earlier, it's a little bit of vindictive fun to be able to say, nope, but i came from new york. why do you want to go there? it's our most frequent question.
number two... please stop asking me the most arcane questions about schedules. going to new york a couple of days ago and a girl in new paltz asks if i'm going to hemstead, long island. nope, new york. when will the 6.20 bus be here? i look at me watch, its 6.05. probably in about 15 minutes, i say. is it here yet, she asks? as far as i can see, i'm the only bus in the entire terminal that can hold three buses at most and we've already eliminated me. nope, i say. please read a schedule. woman asks me today if our company traveled to pennsylvania. no, i tell her. she asks how i'd get there. probably take a bus to new york and catch a greyhound i tell her. do you know their schedules? no, i do not know greyhound schedules for the continental u.s.
number three, if you are on the bus and think that you see someone trying to flag me down when all that they are in reality doing is swinging their arms and walking or getting ready to cross the street, please do not scream as if your life depended on it, bus driver! bus driver! i think that they want you to stop! i had this happen to me once in thick two lane traffic and so scared me that this womans (and mine) life almost depended on it. and please do not wait to flag me as i am almost 100 feet from you and doing 65. this is not a ferrari and i cannot do really cool 180s and burn rubber.
number four, drivers please do not change lanes, decide to swing off the road onto a tiny shoulder or otherwise sneak into my blind spot on the thruway at the last minute. this goes along with the above comment. a 20 ton bus doesn't have the same handling characteristics as a sports car or even a minivan (better than a minivan, actually...). i cannot stop fast. i cannot accelerate fast and i cannot always decide whether or not losing my job is worth crumpling your lexus suv against the guard rail.
number five, when you are driving on a three lane highway and the signs state that trucks, buses and trailers are not allowed in the left lane, please do not decide that driving in the middle lane is a perfect place to putter along at 55 in a 65. sorry, you belong in the slow lane, the far right lane and the middle lane is now my passing lane, not the far right lane that i usually have to pass the suburu outbacks with jersey plates or the ford windstars with 400 pounds of camping gear loaded on top of them like a pack mule. sorry too, if you are doing 65 in a 65, that's still no place for you. i'm no speed demon (can't be even if i wanted to be, the buses are all governed to a set speed limit...) but i will haul as much ass as the bus and the state troopers will allow, usually 72, 73 in a 65 and i pass volvos like they are standing still.
and oh yeah, speaking of this and past holiday weekends, if you have to away (and what's wrong with staying at home and spending some quality time with family?) please try driving an alternate route for a change. why does everyone insist on taking the thruway and only the thruway? its not faster when you are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and are averaging 12 mph. try taking the family wagon on a back road. invest in a map and explore and then the poor ole bus driver who cannot do that (but would love to drive the bus down a dirt road for a change) won't have so much traffic to deal with on the only route that he's allowed to drive on. c'mon folks. route 66 died because of this reason.
ok, its late and this driver has to get up early and think of more pet peeves on this working holiday.