de d-day thoughts

well, it is dday and though i shouldn't rush to memorialise it in my words, maybe i should in my own head and that is that, but this is pretty well going to be a uncensored and (un)published assortment of my free flow from the rusty tap that exists in my head, it may gush with foul smelling rusty red water before it runs clean. its like that with water lines. sometimes it runs clean and others, nit. d-day... usually would run out to rent saving private ryan, as it was a momentous (for me) collection and stylisation of the drama of war from a dramatician like spielberg (even the name... spieling a story like a berg (mountain in german)). i first saw it in the theater with fellow amateur historians and friends and we were shocked and awed before the cheney team thought of the expression, but because of the emotion and sacrifice. now its onto band of brothers, which is if nothing else a well told and expressed true story.
what is it about the sacrifice and courage and well meant pull of a trigger, the simple pull of a a finger against the clip of metal that sends forth a mans soul and mind to the otherworld, to meet up with pluto and or neptune of the sea, that is so easy and almost admirable? don't know, but is it wrong of me to wish that i were of that group of men who have gotten to do that and live with it the rest of their changed and altered lives? because i almost wanted, almost... to join up in the military for better or worse and escape the daily grind that i had when i was home and caught in that tender trap of family and love and all of that then foul jazz... almost, almost... because i had wanted to throw up my fate and life and life in the very sense of the word, life, my being to the winds and watch where it scattered by the breezes to whatever four corners and see as a spectator where my life would go... almost...almost.... but instead i took it and held onto it... almost....almost. am i happier than i was before and happier that i did not let it take me? almost... lets see where this goes... almost there... once wrote a poem about being almost there and in a sense, i still feel almost there, but i guess that we never can see the forest for the trees and know when we are there or past it or never there, almost 20/20 vision, almost...